Don’t You Love Blaming? It Washes Away All The Shame
Until your self-awareness and self-compassion go down the toilet.
„The superior man blames himself. The inferior man blames others.“ – Don Shula (head coach NFL)
Cultivating Self-Awareness, self-compassion, and compassion as an antidote to blame.
What A Shame That We Blame
When you are pissed about your life, blaming others helps to feel better and gives some sense of satisfaction. It is a convenient exit strategy to release your anger and unhappiness.
Instead of living more purposefully, with satisfaction, optimism, integrity, self-awareness, and self-love, many people have the tendency to distract themselves from all of the above by blaming others for their misery.
What a shame. But human. We can’t help ourselves.
What gets in our way is: Short-term thinking, not taking time to slow down and reflect, and diverting attention to others instead of oneself. All great strategies to support your case for unhappiness and dissatisfaction.
Here are some thoughts on why we blame and how we can get better in taking the responsibility for our own actions.
The Place You Go To When Something Bad Happens
When we make mistake, miscalculate, drop, forget, or neglect something, what is the next place we head to? It is the place where we try to find the one who we can blame for it. Whose fault is it? Who can I blame the bad situation for to take the shame off my own shoulders?
What Is Blaming?
Blaming is simply the discharging of our discomfort and pain. Blaming is a way to release anger.
You feel unhappy, uncomfortable, and frustrated with yourself, a bad little thing happens and this becomes the perfect trigger to unload your own unhappiness on somebody else through the easy tool of blaming.
Blaming is destructive. Especially in relationships. We lose out on the opportunity for empathy because we are so focused on blaming and shaming.
Blaming Others Is So Wonderfully Convenient
Blaming others is very convenient. It is a defense mechanism and actually often an unconscious process that protects the blamer from experiencing unpleasant feelings, like guilt, shame, disappointment, sadness, powerlessness, or unhappiness. People like to project their own shortcomings onto others.
People Like To Be Unhappy And Blame Others For Their Lives
People invite problems, dissatisfaction, and negative thinking. They can’t help themselves. Otherwise, they are unhappy. Taking responsibility for ourselves and our own actions is not easy and scary. This fear leads us to find a distraction. A great distraction is to blame others for how we live our lives.
The More We Blame The More We Continue To Do So
Brain research increasingly shows that the more often we have certain thoughts and behaviors, the more strongly they become part of the neuronal pathways of our brain. The more we respond aggressively, the more this anger and blaming behavior becomes the “go-to” reaction. The more we blame others the more likely we will continue to do so.
Trying to Tame The Blame
Being Open To Self-Reflection
Self-Reflection is important but not easy. Blaming others distracts us from the difficult task of self-reflection. It takes time and we have to become aware of your desires, values, visions, and feelings. It is an essential component of taking responsibility for ourselves.
To avoid the time-consuming and at times painful self-reflection we distract ourselves by throwing out all the uncomfortable stuff in our lives at somebody else.
Look Inward Not Outward
Marcus Aurelius taught us: Look inward, not outward. Don’t meddle in the affairs of others.
Do you realize how much time and energy you waste on complaining about others? You are better off spending that time on your own stuff, life, projects, and on your personal growth.
You have control over your own affairs, frustrations, and issues. You can change your own decisions and actions, your own thoughts and mindset. Everything else is the business of everyone else.
Blame Wastes Our Time We Could Spend Better
"Blame is a thief. It robs us blind while it wastes our time, time we could be spending as a family, making memories, supporting each other." - Penny Reid, author.