Taking Time And Paying Attention To Someone Who Seems Invisible Can Make Fabulous Potential Visible
How a nine-year-old boy turned from difficult to gifted
INSIGHT : Taking Time And Paying Attention To Someone Who Seems Invisible Can Make Fabulous Potential Visible
How a nine-year-old boy turned from difficult to gifted
Recently a friend told us about her cousin’s son standing in the shadow of his big brother. All eyes are always on the older one who scores high at school, excels at various sports, and impresses with smartness.
About the 9-year-old younger one everybody around told my friends, “You know, he’s just difficult.” He is a little weird, in his own world, and “you know, he is not smart enough in school, not good enough for the sports teams. What can you do?” And grandmother, father, and teacher all just focus on the genius son while the mother just feels overwhelmed.
The path of least resistance. The easy way out.
How many friends, colleagues, family members, and business partners do you know who are great in what they are doing or know how to handle things and you don’t have to worry, explain, or help. Phew, makes everything so much easier, right?!
And then there are the “difficult” ones.
Now, this “difficult” often means: difficult for you. Because you don’t have the patience and don’t want to take the time to deal with a person that does not work problem-free and by himself. It is your perspective that you give that person the label “difficult” because he falls out of the “normal” category.
The Gift Of Seeing
While visiting, the little boy showed my friends, photographers and gallery owners, his phone with pictures he had taken over the past weeks. Just for fun and to have something he can occupy himself with. These pictures were stunning, my friend told me.
Unbelievable how this little guy saw, and perceived his surroundings and how he captured his observations with his phone camera in a very creative way.
From his immediate family, no one had paid attention to the photographs when the boy tried to share them. They were too focused on the big brother’s successes.
My friends expressed to him how impressed they were, talked with him about the images, and what a great gift he has. They encouraged him to continue with his picture taking and that he could share his pictures anytime with them and they would answer his questions and give him feedback and input.
He couldn’t have been prouder and more excited. Somebody saw what he did. Somebody recognized a talent. A gift. They encouraged the mother to support her son’s passion and talent and she organized a camera and a photography class for kids.
Who Takes Time Can Notice Invisible Potential
You might notice a great potential or gift in people if you take the time to listen to them, spend time with them, and be interested in them. Listening is the most important thing we can do for one another. It shows the person you are listening to that they matter.
We rush through our days and don’t pay attention to little signs, fleeting thoughts, or certain behaviors which can all be informative, enriching, and contributing.
Slowing down opens up the chance to actually “see” the other person, to notice emotions, and to realize connections.
We are too quick to judge or condemn others. You believe you save time by rushing and quickly forming an opinion.
Why should you bother to spend the time?
Because - how can we build trust and show respect and understand one another unless we know what the other person is thinking and feeling? One way we actualize caring is through empathetic listening.
Because - by listening you learn insights, perspectives, thinking, and feelings, all of which enrich your understanding of the person you are listening to and of life in general.
Because – you save time eventually by putting in the time to get a better understanding of the person and the situation so your misjudging and rash assessing is not leading to bigger problems down the road.
A Gift Unleashed
When the family of the little boy takes the time to give him some attention and discover the potential boy carries inside, they could help him build his self-confidence, his pride, and his sense of what he is good at. That will save everyone involved pain and trouble later.
My friends offered the boy that they can meet sometimes and he can send his pictures to them in between and he will get feedback. He is now so proud, happy and motivated and tells everybody “I am friends with a very important big photographer!” I am learning now photography.
When is the last time you really listened to a friend, kid, relative, colleague, neighbor, or elderly wise person and made them feel great and made yourself feel that you learned something?
“A listening reality is that some people don't have the disposition to be good listeners. Their thoughts and feelings make so much internal noise that they can't hear anything else. There is a danger in actively listening. It means you might end up seeing life differently—this can be an unsettling experience for some.” – Coach George Raveling.
IMPULSE : How to be a good listener and have great conversations
Here is a fun and insightful TED talk on how to have great conversations and how to be a good listener! Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. In this talk she shares 10 useful rules for having better conversations. "Go out, talk to people, listen to people," she says. "And, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed." »» »
INDEPTH : How Can You Show Up As Yourself When Everybody Else Tells You Who You Are
A kid is still forming and finding its path. But even as grown-ups we sometimes get told who we are and how we are supposed to be.
The question is how can you show up as yourself when an overload of voices tell you who you are? You define what success means to you personally. Otherwise, you begin to lose your sense of self and authenticity because you want to please others and be like others.
“Each day, leading ourselves begins with protecting our inner peace from an overload of information and voices telling us who and where we should be in our lives” — Coach George Raveling.
Pay attention to what is happening around you and give the people you are close to your attention.
If you like to read further you can read my whole article here on Medium dot com »»»
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