Why Micro Interactions In Daily Life Are Important For You and Our Future

Do you still talk to your baker? Here is why it matters.

Hello out there - in a rushed world,

Here comes your weekly permission slip to Un-rush and Slow Down.

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Why Micro Interactions In Daily Life Are Important For You and Our Future

Do you still talk to your baker? Here is why it matters.

Do you have conversations with the staff at the supermarket, your baker, or your morning coffee barista? Or are you so absorbed in your smartphone and desire to move on with your tasks that you don’t want to be bothered by silly, time-wasting conversations?

Oh, wait, I apologize, you don’t even have the option to talk to someone because nobody is sitting at the cash register anymore who you could even engage with! They are all replaced by machines these days.

Trying to speed up daily life by replacing positions occupied by people with computers, terminals, or chain stores reduces our social and communication skills and our human capability to develop empathy.  

Ever looked at it that way?

Our first impulse is that we look at the “convenience” of self-check-ins and outs. No lame customer in front of us, no boring small talk, no awkward questions, no dependency on slow staff or cash.

Here is what makes the situation absurd: It looks like we are getting faster (and sometimes we might) but we are getting poorer in human terms. And, if you dig deeper, we’re not really faster at the end of the day. When everything in your day is on speed dial and steroids, you might have gained some extra time for ….(fill in the blank)… to perhaps finally have time to socialize. That very thing you have just unlearned in the process.

Have we lost the art of interacting and connecting with people in daily life?

Why are micro-interactions between people so important?

What are micro-interactions?

Micro-interactions and relationships are all the little encounters in-between your daily big tasks, like talking to the bank cashier, asking your baker about his kids, learning from your neighbor about the new people in the hood, helping your fruit and veggie vendor with some advice. The little human interactions that keep a society intact, your neighborhood friendly, and your soul human.

Where human micro-interactions are still wildly alive

Last month, we walked with our cameras (photography students in tow) through the streets of Naples to capture the daily life in this crazy, wonderful Italian city. What makes for great Street Photography pictures reveals a missing human link in our oh-so-advanced and speedy world, namely the daily human interactions, the little moments, that enrich our lives.

The Neapolitans stop to chat with their neighbor, exchange news with the baker or butcher, stand with friends, acquaintances, or neighbors on the street for a lively discussion, and have several times a day a quick espresso in the neighborhood coffee bar where they exchange information on the go. It’s refreshing to observe and a good reminder of how valuable these daily life micro-interactions are.

You are probably thinking now, that costs too much time. Much better to not get trapped in this and swiftly move on with the busy schedule.

What has happened to these micro-interactions, and why should we miss them?

In Europe, we can experience that the southern European countries are more inclined to some warm, human, “normal”-life micro-interactions. And don’t tell me that when you travel to Mediterranean countries you don’t enjoy chatting with the fishmonger, the barista at your coffee bar, or the nice pastry lady (enjoying the scent of freshly baked bread, reminding you that back in your neighborhood at home a bakery doesn’t even exist anymore…. At least that was the case back when I was still living in San Francisco’s North Beach neighborhood).

Replacing humans with speed machines

The opportunities in daily life where we can interact, talk, exchange, and fill the little spaces in a day with stories, humanity, and “normal life things” are diminishing. Cash registers have been replaced by self-check-outs, airport counters by self-check-ins, or food stalls by do-the-sh*t-yourself terminals.

Car dealerships are closing. When you want to buy a car, you go online, check the boxes of what car you want with which equipment, and you are informed by email at which pick-up station and on what date you can claim your new car. You get handed the keys, pointed to where your car is parked, and goodbye. No consulting on what car fits best to your needs, no test-driving, no introduction when getting into your new car.

Bank branches and post offices are closing and replaced by terminals. McDonald’s and some coffee shops are covered with digital order terminals. Road toll stations are digitized. And prices are still going up, even though there is nobody anymore doing the work for us.

Why is this important to think about?

It’s important because micro-interactions and micro-relationships are aspects of social competence. The development of a positive and supportive relationship with different types of people (e.g., parents, siblings, relatives, peers, teachers, co-workers, and other adults) is an important adaptation skill that children and adolescents must acquire to live happily in our society.

What Can You Do?

Mindshift

Sometimes I come back from running errands and my husband asks, who did you run into this time? I have to admit that I used to get annoyed getting held up by neighbors in the courtyard, acquaintances I run into on the street, or the lady behind the cheese counter telling me her stories. I don’t want to spend (to avoid saying “waste”) my time on these kinds of interactions because I prefer to get back to work as quickly as possible.

Meanwhile, I got more relaxed and changed my thinking about it. I see these moments as “this is what normal LIFE looks like”. During the day we have little, what I call in-between-spaces which we fill with life-life. I still want to be as efficient as possible, but these little encounters are like the filling between the bricks of a house. Or like the filling between the layers of a cake. They make things smooth and connect. These short encounters fill your life with stories, care, and humanity.

Find the local

Find your local small shop, market, or service provider where you go purposely, firstly, to support those small businesses, and secondly, where you are still dealing with human beings and not automated transaction machines. You can talk to the owner, staff, or other customers and blend some simple human interaction into your day.

Another Perspective

Here is another aspect you might not have realized: All those self-check-outs, self-check-ins, and do-the-sh*t-yourself terminals add to YOUR workload. YOU have to work more now, to do “their” job, and probably even have to pay a higher price for the product. Are. You. Kidding. Me? While the lady at the cash register scans your items, this used to be the time when you could linger, let your thoughts run free, or observe your surroundings. Not anymore. Now you gotta work on top of your daily work. How convenient!

But this is material for the next post.